Asking Questions to Gain Awareness, Have you locked Abuse into your Body and Being?

A few weeks ago I attended the 3 Day Abuse Class live streamed from Texas facilitated by Gary Douglas and Dain Heer. Originally, I wasn’t choosing this class as I have attended many Abuse Classes over the past 14 years since finding Access, so had concluded that I didn’t require another one.
Just as well I am cute, as I am sometimes not bright.
The day before the start of the class I started asking questions regarding the class and it was then that I knew that I just had to choose it. Wow I am so grateful that I did as the awareness and change that I have received from the class has been phenomenal.
I began to ask questions in regards to an event two weeks earlier and this is what opened the space to this new choice.
Two weeks earlier, my daughter had invited me to her MBA graduation from Bond University on the Gold Coast. Her husband and father were also in attendance. Her father and I have been divorced for almost 33 years and I concluded that spending the day with him would be easy. I am now so aware of how conclusions eliminate awareness.
The day arrived and as the day progressed I was getting more and more angry at the way that my ex was with me. Dismissive, lying, setting it up that my daughter and her husband would be against me, and constantly projecting.
I drove back to Brisbane in tears and asking: What’s right about this that I am not getting? What is right about me that I am not getting?
On the Abuse Class, Gary started talking about Gaslighters and who they chose to be. I had never heard of this expression before as most people would put their behaviours into the Narcissist basket. The lights started to come on for me and I had the awareness that my ex-husband is a Gaslighter.
During the class Gary highly recommended that we watch the movie Gaslight up to 20 times: a movie which was made in 1944 staring Ingrid Bergman.
I have watched it several times and now have the awareness of the energy that these people choose to function from.
Gary asked us: “What if you were the convenient target for the other person’s abuse? What if you didn’t take it personally?”
What if asking questions empower you to know that you know? What if questions open a space for a different possibility for you? Do you recognise some of the Gaslighter’s behaviours?

1. They tell blatant lies. You know it's a lie, and this now puts you into doubt of what you know is true for you. They are only interested in keeping you unsteady with your awareness.
   
2. They tell you that everyone else is a liar. By telling you that everyone else; your family for example, it again makes you doubt you and your reality. This is a manipulation technique. It makes people turnto the gaslighter for the "correct" information, which isn't correct information at all.
   
3. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof. You know that they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. Would this put you into more doubt of you? You once again doubt you with; maybe they never did say that. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.
   
4. They use what is closest to you as ammunition. Your kids, close family and friends will be the first that will be attacked. They will judge you as not being worthy. They attack the foundation of your very being.
   
5. They wear you down over time. This is one of the most insidious things about gaslighting, it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often, and then it starts ramping up.Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting, that is how effective it is. Ever so slowly you are being destroyed.
   
6. Their actions do not match their words. What do you take note of; their actions or their words? When dealing with a person that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying, as actions speak louder than words.
   
7. They will throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you. This person who is destroying you, will tell you that you don't have value one minute, and the next moment is now praising you for something you did. This creates more uneasiness. You think, "Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you in doubt, and again, to make you and your reality wrong.
   
8. They know confusion weakens people. Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly doubt everything. Humans' natural tendency is to look to the person that will help you feel more stable—and that happens to be the gaslighter.
   
9. They project. They will constantly accuse you of what they themselves are doing. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself and are now distracted from the gas lighters’
   

own behaviour. When someone accuses you of something they are telling you about
themselves.
10. They try to align people against you. Gaslighters are master manipulators and find the people
they know will stand by them no matter what, and then they use these people against you. A gaslighter is a constant liar. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don't know who to trust or turn to, and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that's exactly what they want: Isolation gives them more control. This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of- control. It's a master technique.
The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker you can identify them and avoid falling into the gaslighter's trap.
Article Written By Marg Braunack, Access Consciousness® Facilitator And 3-day Body Class Facilitator (with a class in Auckland in May).
www.accessconsciousness.com/margaretbraunack 

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